Lao-Tzu taught "I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These are your greatest treasures. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world."
So many times I hear from busy women, my inner voice included, that 'I can't slow down and rest or take some time for myself because no one else will pick up the slack or no one else will even think about doing it or I can't relax til everything is done.' Sound familiar? You bet is does. Sound very compassionate toward yourself? Not at all.
As we get busier and more stressed our body begins to respond to the pressure we are putting on it. The response is often outward manifesting itself in illness or exhaustion. Then, we stop to heal. (Hopefully). The response of our bodies is also inward, internal, as cells begin to break down, the immune system becomes dysfunctional, our heart and lungs are taxed more and the stress hormones flooding our system attack whatever gets in their way. How does doing damage to our bodies increase our ability to be available to the world and each other? It doesn't.
Just as the body is only as healthy as its individual cells, the world (our families, our colleagues, our friends, our acquaintances) is only as healthy as its individual souls. If we don't take care of our souls compassionately, the whole world suffers.
As Lao-Tzu points out bringing simplicity, patience, and compassion into our inner and outer beings will bring health to not just ourselves but those around us as well.
With the Christmas season off and running, where will you find simplicity, cultivate patience and show compassion to yourself? It might be a leap to say this but jump I will...these are the things that make for peace on earth.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Squinting
Recently while driving in Williamsburg in a rain storm, I was focused so closely on where I was supposed to turn that I actually turned into the wrong lane. There I was heading into oncoming traffic. Such fun!!! NOT. Fortunately, I was able to move over the median and into my own lane without too much distress except to my poor passenger. The next day I drove the same route and tried to understand how I made such a mistake. As I looked at the entire intersection it seemed obvious but as I thought about how I was squinting and being so focused on an opening into which to turn the night before I saw how I missed it. I wasn't looking at the bigger area. I was too narrowly focused, hyper alert and squinting.
Mark Nepo talks about how in the alertness of a crisis, paying attention to too much detail we 'squint'narrowing our focus. In doing so we often miss the very thing we need to move through it. In other words we can cut out as much of what we need as what we fear.
As busy women, we squint a lot. We get so focused on what has to be done, needs to be done and the deadlines looming whether at work or at home, we often miss the bigger picture and cut out what we need most to move us through our busy lives. I don't even want to begin to count the number of times that I got so focused on details or time constraints that I steamrolled right over the very people I needed to make the project or the relationship a success. I wish I had lots of hours, days, months and even years back where I squinted through trying to get way too much accomplished and missed the bigger picture of where my 'heart's eye'needed to look. A wider focus would have helped.
Where are you squinting? What is your heart's eye calling you to see? How wide is your focus in the key areas of your life?
Mark Nepo talks about how in the alertness of a crisis, paying attention to too much detail we 'squint'narrowing our focus. In doing so we often miss the very thing we need to move through it. In other words we can cut out as much of what we need as what we fear.
As busy women, we squint a lot. We get so focused on what has to be done, needs to be done and the deadlines looming whether at work or at home, we often miss the bigger picture and cut out what we need most to move us through our busy lives. I don't even want to begin to count the number of times that I got so focused on details or time constraints that I steamrolled right over the very people I needed to make the project or the relationship a success. I wish I had lots of hours, days, months and even years back where I squinted through trying to get way too much accomplished and missed the bigger picture of where my 'heart's eye'needed to look. A wider focus would have helped.
Where are you squinting? What is your heart's eye calling you to see? How wide is your focus in the key areas of your life?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Pleasure Happens
Ok, let's get right to it. When was the last time you felt pleasure? And I mean any kind of pleasure. I have a friend who gave me one of the most pleasure filled tips I have ever received in my life. And I am going to share it with you. Are you ready? 800 thread count sheets!!! That's right. She said life is too short to sleep between cheap sheets. Let me tell you 800 thread count sheets aren't cheap but I took her advice to heart and waited for a sale, used my trusty coupons and now I know what she was talking about. Oh my goodness. They are a pleasure. And what you choose to do between them is your business - hopefully a pleasurable business.
So often we are focused on getting things done, checking off our list, moving through the mass of scheduling problems that we forget an age old adage. All work and no play makes Jill a dull (and sick, and late, and forgetful, and unproductive) gal.
Gena Rowlands has written an absolutely outrageous book called Mama Gena's Pleasure School. In this book she makes a VERY strong case for the power of pleasure in our lives. It is not an indulgence. It is a necessity. She gives many varied examples of the types of pleasure that will enhance your life and your productivity.
However, you don't have to even buy the book or 800 thread count sheets to get started. You can begin simply by accepting that your body needs pleasure. The pleasure that comes from rest, either a nap or 7-8 hours each night. The pleasure that comes from a good laugh. The pleasure that comes from a playful moment in a meeting or with a child or significant other. The pleasure that comes from watching a sunrise, or a deer walking through your back yard or the leaves falling or simply marveling at how your lungs rest between an inhale and exhale.
Pleasure happens - all around us. It is there for our benefit. Grab it. Let it feed your body and soul. Don't be like a friend who recently said to me "I've been so unproductive today I might as well have been sleeping." Perhaps had they been enjoying the pleasure of some sleep they would have been far more productive.
So often we are focused on getting things done, checking off our list, moving through the mass of scheduling problems that we forget an age old adage. All work and no play makes Jill a dull (and sick, and late, and forgetful, and unproductive) gal.
Gena Rowlands has written an absolutely outrageous book called Mama Gena's Pleasure School. In this book she makes a VERY strong case for the power of pleasure in our lives. It is not an indulgence. It is a necessity. She gives many varied examples of the types of pleasure that will enhance your life and your productivity.
However, you don't have to even buy the book or 800 thread count sheets to get started. You can begin simply by accepting that your body needs pleasure. The pleasure that comes from rest, either a nap or 7-8 hours each night. The pleasure that comes from a good laugh. The pleasure that comes from a playful moment in a meeting or with a child or significant other. The pleasure that comes from watching a sunrise, or a deer walking through your back yard or the leaves falling or simply marveling at how your lungs rest between an inhale and exhale.
Pleasure happens - all around us. It is there for our benefit. Grab it. Let it feed your body and soul. Don't be like a friend who recently said to me "I've been so unproductive today I might as well have been sleeping." Perhaps had they been enjoying the pleasure of some sleep they would have been far more productive.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Busy Life Violence
Thomas Merton said, "to allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence." Isn't that a great take on our modern day busy lives? Funny thing, he wrote that in the 1960's! Seems like we have been on this trajectory for a while and it doesn't look like we are able to stop this violence against ourselves. In previous blogs I've talked about the fallacy of thinking we can do it all and be all things to all people. Yet, despite the truth of that statement we still over commit, overdo, over extend ourselves. I certainly know that I'm more guilty of it than I would care to admit. (It is also said that you teach best what you most need to learn so I guess I'm convicted on this one!).
There are any number of reasons why we do this but I'm more interested in moving forward with a solution rather than looking at the cause. So when I read this poem by Rainer Maria Rilke something struck me. He writes: "Once for each thing. Just once; no more. And we too, just once. And never again. But to have been this once, completely, even if only once:to have been at one with the earth seems beyond undoing." The thought that struck me was with only so much time allotted to us we must be sure that what we are choosing to do with our time is what will bring us what we need, what we want to know and how we want to build our legacy with and on this earth.
For some this will mean sampling and attempting as much as possible - to experience it all. For others it will mean slowing down and savoring each moment, each encounter, each relationship. Both choices mean acknowledging that we will only do this life once. To make the choice to expend ourselves when it is not what we want or need is to denigrate the gift of life that has been given to you. To make the choice to not participate fully in day to day living is to do the same.
Being fully aware of our choices brings us from the violence of overdoing or the waste of underdoing brings us face to face with some challenging questions. What is there about your life at this moment that is unique, that is extraordinary because you are alive at the same time as another, that is the answer to the one question that means the most to you? What wisdoms are you willing to open yourself up to in choices?
There are any number of reasons why we do this but I'm more interested in moving forward with a solution rather than looking at the cause. So when I read this poem by Rainer Maria Rilke something struck me. He writes: "Once for each thing. Just once; no more. And we too, just once. And never again. But to have been this once, completely, even if only once:to have been at one with the earth seems beyond undoing." The thought that struck me was with only so much time allotted to us we must be sure that what we are choosing to do with our time is what will bring us what we need, what we want to know and how we want to build our legacy with and on this earth.
For some this will mean sampling and attempting as much as possible - to experience it all. For others it will mean slowing down and savoring each moment, each encounter, each relationship. Both choices mean acknowledging that we will only do this life once. To make the choice to expend ourselves when it is not what we want or need is to denigrate the gift of life that has been given to you. To make the choice to not participate fully in day to day living is to do the same.
Being fully aware of our choices brings us from the violence of overdoing or the waste of underdoing brings us face to face with some challenging questions. What is there about your life at this moment that is unique, that is extraordinary because you are alive at the same time as another, that is the answer to the one question that means the most to you? What wisdoms are you willing to open yourself up to in choices?
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