One of the things that can keep us stressed out is trying to look like those beautiful young models in the magazines, wondering why our skin isn't as smooth and flawless as theirs and knowing that if we only exercised some more we would have a waistline again. The beauty business is huge in America and it is hard not to get caught up in it.
I want to talk about another beauty regimen that has nothing to do with skin care, weight loss or designer clothes. I want to talk about surrounding ourselves with beauty on a daily basis. I read once that feeling like a victim (which, when we have no time for ourselves, we can very easily do) can't exist simultaneously with beauty.
What are the things that you consider beautiful that are readily available and around you? How about a fresh bouquet of flowers? If you don't have any in your garden, stop at the store and buy a bunch. I have a friend who has an absolutely beautiful garden and everytime she looks at it all she sees is weeds. This isn't the type of beauty gazing I'm talking about. I encouraged her to spend some time just gazing at one of the flowers in the garden, instead of seeing only the weeds. She was amazed at what beauty it held in just a single stem.
For others beauty might come in watching your children sleep, or listening to music, looking at art, walking among the trees, or a juicy love relationship. Tap into that deep well where your sense of beauty resides, drink deeply of it and savor it. Do it every day. It doesn't have to be a long drink. Just enough to remind you that there is more in your life than stress and hurry.
EnJOY!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I'm Late, I'm Late
In Alice in Wonderland, the white hare sings a famous little diddy that could be the theme song for many of our lives.
I'm late, I'm late for
A very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye,
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late
Do you know the feeling?
Wayne Muller in his new book, A life of being, having and doing enough, writes that when he asks how people are they seem to all say: "I'm just trying to get caught up." Are you running from appointment to appointment, activity to activity, event to event simply to get caught up? I can remember a time when my day was so full I experienced each appointment, meeting, meal, deadline met simply as a check off on my list of things to do. At the end of the day I could take away little from my day that was fulfilling, pleasurable, delightful or fun. It simply was done and that was enough. Because if I could check all those things off, then I didn't have to play catch up the next day in my already jam packed scheduled. Looking back I wonder what in the world I was trying to accomplish because I don't remember much of what I did. I just was not fully present in any of it. My goal was to get as much done as possible. I never gave any thought to enjoying myself or savoring the moments.
How sad. Because you know what? I can't get those moments back - EVER! Going back to Alice in Wonderland. The Mad Hatter was accused of murdering time for singing to the Queen and as a result time stood still for the Hatter. I, too, was murdering time in my own way but it didn't stand still for me as a punishment. No, in fact, it just kept moving along and all those moments with kids, friends, family, husband, God, were killed off in my constant quest to be caught up. Our lives and the ones who are important in them become collateral damage as we fight against time.
So ask yourself, Are you trying to get caught up? And if so, caught up to what?
Breathe today, enjoy the moments and when you do you might discover that time does slow down after all.
I'm late, I'm late for
A very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye,
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late
Do you know the feeling?
Wayne Muller in his new book, A life of being, having and doing enough, writes that when he asks how people are they seem to all say: "I'm just trying to get caught up." Are you running from appointment to appointment, activity to activity, event to event simply to get caught up? I can remember a time when my day was so full I experienced each appointment, meeting, meal, deadline met simply as a check off on my list of things to do. At the end of the day I could take away little from my day that was fulfilling, pleasurable, delightful or fun. It simply was done and that was enough. Because if I could check all those things off, then I didn't have to play catch up the next day in my already jam packed scheduled. Looking back I wonder what in the world I was trying to accomplish because I don't remember much of what I did. I just was not fully present in any of it. My goal was to get as much done as possible. I never gave any thought to enjoying myself or savoring the moments.
How sad. Because you know what? I can't get those moments back - EVER! Going back to Alice in Wonderland. The Mad Hatter was accused of murdering time for singing to the Queen and as a result time stood still for the Hatter. I, too, was murdering time in my own way but it didn't stand still for me as a punishment. No, in fact, it just kept moving along and all those moments with kids, friends, family, husband, God, were killed off in my constant quest to be caught up. Our lives and the ones who are important in them become collateral damage as we fight against time.
So ask yourself, Are you trying to get caught up? And if so, caught up to what?
Breathe today, enjoy the moments and when you do you might discover that time does slow down after all.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Beginner's Mind
One of the things that trips us busy women up and keeps us from taking time for ourselves is a sense of "how" things are supposed to be done and "how" we are supposed to do them. In many ways we use an expert's mind to determine the path of good parenting, good housekeeping, good use of time, etc. We work hard to complete the scenario in our expert's mind of how we want things to be, how we want our house to look, how we know the neighbor's will react, how our husbands, children or significant other will feel about us if we don't or we do and how we will feel about us if we don't or do. And through it all we groan under the pressure of this concept formed in our "expert's mind". When I say expert's mind I mean the kind of thinking that tells us that there is only one way to do things. And that way would be our way because we know best.
Think about that, though. By thinking like an expert we forget about other possibilities, other options, or alternative approaches because we have it mapped out in our minds. We limit ourselves and we tie ourselves up in knots trying to create this perfect picture. (You know what I mean, don't you. Ever stay up late finishing the laundry because there won't be any clothes to wear in the morning if you don't sacrifice some sleep to complete the task. Really? Really!)
Suzuki Roshi talks about a beginner's mind. In a beginner's mind there are many possibilities. In an expert's only a few. Think of a child who has been given a gift. What is it that fascinates the child? Is the toy or gift? Usually no. It is the...BOX. And with that box the child begins to play, create alternative ways of using it, and is happy, happy, happy. We, however, think how awful that we spent so much on that toy and all they want is the box and we try to entice them back to the toy. A clear example of a beginner's mind and an expert's mind in action. And who is happier, more relaxed and totally enjoying the experience?
So as you struggle to find a way to have time for yourself, ask yourself: "Am I using an expert's mind or a beginner's mind?" Then, start to play a bit in the realm of the beginner's mind and see what possibilities there are for you!
What blessings, delights and surprises await you when you approach life from a beginner's mind perspective rather than an expert.
Think about that, though. By thinking like an expert we forget about other possibilities, other options, or alternative approaches because we have it mapped out in our minds. We limit ourselves and we tie ourselves up in knots trying to create this perfect picture. (You know what I mean, don't you. Ever stay up late finishing the laundry because there won't be any clothes to wear in the morning if you don't sacrifice some sleep to complete the task. Really? Really!)
Suzuki Roshi talks about a beginner's mind. In a beginner's mind there are many possibilities. In an expert's only a few. Think of a child who has been given a gift. What is it that fascinates the child? Is the toy or gift? Usually no. It is the...BOX. And with that box the child begins to play, create alternative ways of using it, and is happy, happy, happy. We, however, think how awful that we spent so much on that toy and all they want is the box and we try to entice them back to the toy. A clear example of a beginner's mind and an expert's mind in action. And who is happier, more relaxed and totally enjoying the experience?
So as you struggle to find a way to have time for yourself, ask yourself: "Am I using an expert's mind or a beginner's mind?" Then, start to play a bit in the realm of the beginner's mind and see what possibilities there are for you!
What blessings, delights and surprises await you when you approach life from a beginner's mind perspective rather than an expert.
Monday, August 2, 2010
EXHAUSTED
So many people I know are exhausted. How about you? Are you one of them? People today seem to be more and more tired, feel more and more overwhelmed and yet can't seem to stop and breathe without feeling like a slackard or worse yet guilty.
How do we get beyond this hamster in the wheel existence? How do we take time to say enough for now -without a major catastrophe or illness stopping us? Who helps us see the damage we are doing to our bodies, to our relationships, to our families and communities through this constant push for doing more and having more? How do we help each other? AND how in God's name do we get rid of the guilt when we do stop?
There are lots of techniques for learning how to say NO, for putting yourself first and for taking some down time. But I find that they don't always take care of the guilt.
This guilt gremlin is an internal issue that drives us to external excess and therefore the solution is internal. And I think it has to do with listening to our inner wisdom. Unfortunately, our inner wisdom isn't a shouter, isn't a nagger, isn't an-in-your face talker. It is a quiet, steady hum in our inner most self that gently and graciously speaks the truth to us. The ego is BIG AND NOISY. Our inner wisdom is SOFT AND SURE. Guess who gets listened to?
You know what I'm saying,don't you? Your inner voice says you need a mental health day and you say, "Oh I can't do that, I've got too much to do at work". So off to work you go and everything you touch that day falls apart, doesn't work, or is a wasted effort. Or your inner wisdom says "I would really love a supper of fresh vegetables and fruit" and your kids say "Can we have pizza?" Not wanting to disappoint the kids and not wanting to cook, you go with pizza. And you go to bed feeling bloated and unsatisfied by your supper choice. Your inner wisdom says forget the laundry tonight and go cuddle with your husband for a while. Your guilt says "but who will finish the laundry and I'll do it after I'm done" only to find that husband is sound asleep when you finish all your household chores. Or guys you feel you don't want to let down your baseball, bowling, golf league by not showing up but your inner wisdom says, "I would love a night just to sit and play wiht my kids". Inner wisdom loses out a lot until faced with a life threatening illness, a divorce, a break down, a job loss and then our inner wisdom brings us to face to face with the choices we made.
Until we make inner wisdom our go to voice, our default mechanism, our primary care voice, we are going to continue to be exhausted. How do you listen to your inner wisdom and what does it say to you?
How do we get beyond this hamster in the wheel existence? How do we take time to say enough for now -without a major catastrophe or illness stopping us? Who helps us see the damage we are doing to our bodies, to our relationships, to our families and communities through this constant push for doing more and having more? How do we help each other? AND how in God's name do we get rid of the guilt when we do stop?
There are lots of techniques for learning how to say NO, for putting yourself first and for taking some down time. But I find that they don't always take care of the guilt.
This guilt gremlin is an internal issue that drives us to external excess and therefore the solution is internal. And I think it has to do with listening to our inner wisdom. Unfortunately, our inner wisdom isn't a shouter, isn't a nagger, isn't an-in-your face talker. It is a quiet, steady hum in our inner most self that gently and graciously speaks the truth to us. The ego is BIG AND NOISY. Our inner wisdom is SOFT AND SURE. Guess who gets listened to?
You know what I'm saying,don't you? Your inner voice says you need a mental health day and you say, "Oh I can't do that, I've got too much to do at work". So off to work you go and everything you touch that day falls apart, doesn't work, or is a wasted effort. Or your inner wisdom says "I would really love a supper of fresh vegetables and fruit" and your kids say "Can we have pizza?" Not wanting to disappoint the kids and not wanting to cook, you go with pizza. And you go to bed feeling bloated and unsatisfied by your supper choice. Your inner wisdom says forget the laundry tonight and go cuddle with your husband for a while. Your guilt says "but who will finish the laundry and I'll do it after I'm done" only to find that husband is sound asleep when you finish all your household chores. Or guys you feel you don't want to let down your baseball, bowling, golf league by not showing up but your inner wisdom says, "I would love a night just to sit and play wiht my kids". Inner wisdom loses out a lot until faced with a life threatening illness, a divorce, a break down, a job loss and then our inner wisdom brings us to face to face with the choices we made.
Until we make inner wisdom our go to voice, our default mechanism, our primary care voice, we are going to continue to be exhausted. How do you listen to your inner wisdom and what does it say to you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)