Cyber Space Solution

So, my dilemma was partially solved by a glitch in the internet hook up. The place we are staying didn't have a connection for the first 3 days so I had no choice but to unhook. That was nice and easy. Now that it is hooked up again, I have to decide how much I am going to do. The choice at the moment is to listen to the rebroadcast of the classes at the end of the week and not when they are live. Because the internet connection will not let me send out emails, I only check those when we are out to get a Starbucks fix. So all in all the beach time is not compromised, I'm resting and I've cut way back on how tethered I am to the computer. It really is quite relaxing. Try it you might like it.

Time for MYself?

So, friends, I'm on my way to Maine for a 2 week vacation and it is time to practice what I preach! Yikes. First, I've taken my laptop with me. No, no! And I've already had one conference call and I'm writing this blog. No,no, no.... Then I'm taking an on line class which has webinars twice a week plus homework. Do I listen in or wait til I get home and then catch up? But if I wait til I get home then I'll really be far behind. Dilemmas.

Can you feel my pain? This time for yourself stuff isn't easy and choices have to be made. Whatever I decide to do, and I will let you know, will be a conscious choice of mine. If I say Yes to the class, I know I am saying no to just chilling out and its consequences. If I say Yes to chilling out, then I know I am saying no to staying current in the class and its consequences.

We face these types of decisions every day and with each yes there is a corresponding no and vice versa. With time and practice the Yes to downtime will become a no to an overcrowded schedule. And therefore a Yes! to self care, health and sanity!!!!

More later on the power of a Positive No. For now know that I too struggle with these choices and we are in this together.

Breathe and take a break
Nancy

Stop The Excuses

Yesterday I was working with a woman who was clearly in need of some me time and all she kept offering to me were excuses as to why she couldn't take any. Then, she proceeded to complain about all the me time her husband takes for himself. Finally, I said, "Stop!" And thankfully she did. Even though my heart could really identify with her challenges and her life, I also knew that to keep up the excuses would paralyze her further in her martyr role.

So, let's talk turkey here my overworked friends. If you want to have time for yourself, then you have to take it. No excuses. Your husbands seem to be able to go golfing, play baseball, go out with the guys without guilt, without excuses. So why can't you? It may take a meeting of the minds to make it happen but make it happen you can do!

How do you do this? Begin your conversation with your motives clear. Why are you in need of this conversation? It has nothing to do with why you need the time; however, you can present your case logically and rationally. The conversation will provide a way for both of you to have your own time at least once a week. Do not get caught up in a debate nor let your emotions rule the conversation. Work from the answers to these four questions from Crucial Conversations by Patterson et al 1) What do I really want for myself? 2) What do I really want for others? 3) What do I really want for the relationship? 4) How would I behave if I really wanted these results.

Keep the environment safe. This is not a time for blaming, silence or yelling. Keep it calm, focus on what you really want, and step out of the conversation if you feel it is getting unsafe and make it safe again.

And I know the next excuse you make will be this..."that is just too hard". Yes, it is hard and you are worth the hard work. So step up and get to it. This is your life and the health and wellness of your family and relationships you are talking about.

Practice before the conversation, have the conversation and NO EXCUSES.

I'm in there with you,

Nancy