The Hard Truth - YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL!

Sorry, folks but this is the hard truth. For too long women have been told that they can have it all, work, family, leisure all balanced nicely. Well, I'm here to tell you you can't. Now this isn't meant to be discouraging news. It's meant to freeing news. In the last blog I talked about not being Wonder Woman and wondered where we got the notion that we were. I think most of it comes from our own hopes and dreams that we can live an unlimited life within a limited timeframen and with limited energy. And that's a good dream. It just isn't realistic. So let's look at what we are pretending not to know around this subject and get real and be free. For centuries men have been able to work and have a family and enjoy leisure time. They can do this because someone else was taking care of the details of their lives like clean clothes, childcare and food prep. Now, I know this is a bit of a generalization and it has lots of basis in truth. So stay with me.(My apologies to those men who worked 2 jobs to provide for their families or did tend to the details of life. I know you exist and you are rare.)

Men have paid a high price for their ability to have it all - leading the list is their early deaths from heart attacks or strokes. Men know the toll having it all has taken on their physical, emotional and mental health. And women who are trying to work and take care of a family and find time for themselves are beginning to feel the effects of these high stakes as well. Heart attacks are quickly becoming a leading cause of death among women and the increase in use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications is enormous when compared to 10 years ago.

So let's all take a deep breath and look this monster in the eye. And as you do you may find that you are looking into a mirror because no one controls our schedules but us. In looking into this mirror how would you answer these questions. How full is your weekly schedule? If you were to draw a plate and put all your weekly activities on it as if they were food portions, how full is that plate? If it were a plate of food, how healthy would you be if you ate it all? What on that plate is a pure energy drainer? What are the energy boosters? Are there more drainers than boosters? Now, here come the hard questions. What can you eliminate from your plate right now? (It may require a family meeting but that's ok). What WILL you eliminate? Just because we see things that could be eliminated doesn't mean we will. Where do you over function so that others don't have to hardly function at all? What are the "voices" in your head saying to you about "doing it all". Are these voices realistic or old tapes that have you hooked on getting mom or dad's approval? Told you these are hard questions.

In fact, let's stop there and I challenge you to spend time over the next week drawing your plate, looking at it realistically and eliminating at least 2 things that drain your energy. How many activities do your children have to be in? How many trips are you willing to make to transport kids every week? Who shares the responsibilities with you? How are the responsibilities divided up? Ooops I guess I'm into more questions...I think you get the idea.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Wonder Women

Yesterday I read a blog by a new mom who was wondering how she ever became Wonder Woman??? She was so clear and passionate about the change in her from pre baby to post baby and how she did nothing but work,work,work accomplishing far more than she ever thought was humanly possible. And it was a job she wasn't sure wanted full time. Bravo for her! What I loved about her blog was that she wasn't complaining about caring for her family. This was not a whiny hiney!!! She truly wondered how she would ever find time for herself again and what that loss would mean to her and her family in the long run. Here's the bottom line. Women, new moms in particular, we/you are NOT wonder woman. You have a limited amout of time and energy and there seems to be a limitless amount to do. You cannot control time. It marches on at the same pace every day despite what it might feel like. What you can control is your energy. Start with the basics...Physical energy. Eating properly and getting enough sleep are as important as feeding your baby properly and making sure your little one gets enough sleep. Make your meals a priority. Eat high protein, low carb meals. If you cannot eat 3 large meals then eat 5-6 small ones. Stock up on high protein snacks and drink lots of water. And sleep when the baby sleeps. I heard this advice when my girls were babies and I thought I knew better. That was my time to clean, do the laundry and make meals. FORGET THAT RIGHT NOW. Sleep or at least lie down and rest with a good book. This is replenishing your physical energy center. As for the housework...get a teen to come in and help, enlist the daddy of that little darling, or just let it go. Believe me it is not going anywhere and it will be there when you have the energy to tackle it. And please, no whining about how hard that will be for you to just leave it. DO IT! One thing I have learned over time is that just because it is hard doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. Repeat after me: I AM NOT WONDER WOMAN. I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO PROTECTS HER ENERGY. Happy Energy Saving and EnJOY! Nancy

"I" Care

Taking time for yourself seems to be a luxury that most busy women forego. In a recent and very unscientific survey I took of women on my facebook page and in my address book, the number one frustration they cited about self-care was "having time for myself". Underlying that frustration was a STRONG emotion - guilt. They felt guilty about taking time for themselves which made me wonder which came first - the lack of time or the guilt. If we constantly keep ourselves so busy that we "don't" have time to care for self, then there is no opportunity to feel guilty is there? I know people, myself at one time included, who hope to get sick so they could rest for a while. You know just a little cold or stomach bug - enough to warrant staying home and in bed and not feel guilty! How sick is that? And yet for many busy women, especially working moms, this isn't that far fetched is it? This blog will offer tips and insights on how to move beyond guilt and into a healthy regimen of self care that will benefit not only you but your family as well. I also hope you will become a fan on my facebook page - Fresh Perspectives where we can share information and success stories. For today start with a simple list of all the things you love to do for self-care! You can call it "I" Care!