One of my proclivities is to take care of and be of service to others. Done appropriately it can bring satisfaction and purpose to my life. Done to the extreme it becomes a neurosis and a paralyzing way to live. It leads to overfunctioning which creates energy leaks in my body and soul. It also strips away the potential for others to learn to do for themselves. It can be a slippery slope.
It also can be a symptom of a deeper ego need - the need to please. Many times I have cursed this part of my personality as I realize too late that it is a fool's errand to try and please others with my 'brilliant' solutions or self-sacrificing actions only to be reminded that I can't please everyone no matter how hard I try. Usually this revelation comes when I'm exhausted from doing too much.
Mark Nepo in his wonderful book, The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live An Authentic Life, writes "I had tried so hard to please that I never realized no one is watching." That statement brought me up short as I came face to face with a reality I wasn't willing to acknowledge. Who is watching? An imagined parent, teacher or audience that has gathered to applaud all I've accomplish in such a short amount of time, to marvel over how good I am at multitasking, or nod in agreement when I put everyone ahead of my needs? The reality is my audience is made up of one flesh and blood person with limited energy and one life to live. That one is me.
Who's watching you rush from activity to activity, caretaking to caretaking, task to task? What are they telling you? And how does your inner self truly want to respond?
No comments:
Post a Comment