Toxic People

Sometimes the clutter in our life comes not from stuff but from people. Last blog focused on the "stuff" that clutters our lives and as promised this one will focus on relationship clutter! And I tread gently but firmly into this blog.

There are people who, when we are in their presence, cast a negative energy over us. You know who they are. They are the whiners, the complainers, the nay-sayers, the needy manipulative ones, the negative Nellie's or Neil's who never have anything positive to contribute to a conversation. I find that my mental health spirals down when I'm with them. Too many of them at any given time and I'm in a royal funk.

Often we find ourselves working with folks like this and dread going to work or being around them. How do we get away from them in situations like this? It can be hard to impossible to physically remove yourself from their presence. However, there are things you can do.

1. Find your voice and set your boundary. For example, when they begin their descent into negativity, stop them with a "I wonder if you could frame that in the positive. Whenever you begin with a negative, I find that I can't think as creatively to solve the problem." Or, "I find that positive statements help me move forward when we are faced with a problem like this. When we work together I would appreciate it if you could share from a more positive perspective."

2. Don't spend time with them outside of work situations. Again you have to set your boundary and simply say, "My personal time is important to me and I am committed to spending it with a positive frame of mind or only with positive, upbeat people." It is not your responsibility to manage their emotions. They will have to learn to live with the consequences of their conversational tone.

Now, what if this person is a family member? Yikes, it is tough to cut them out of your life. However, you can still set your boundary with them. And each time they begin with the toxicity or gossip or negative talk, restate your boundary asking them to refrain in your presence.

Not getting hooked by folks like this is the bottom line. So even if you can't get away from them you are responsible for how you respond to them. Humor is always a good antidote to toxic personalities. Keeping yourself creative by taking time to breathe deeply is another way to respond. And removing yourself from their presence is always your default option. Always. It's not easy but it is necessary if you are to live a life of positive energy.

This is a huge topic. And there is more to it than this brief foray into it but it is a start. There will be more on toxic people and relationships to come. For now, check your boundaries. Look at where you are tolerating toxic people and how they are affecting your life. Make a plan, seek out a coach or trusted counselor to help you find your way around them. And remember you have to respect yourself in order to get the toxic folks out of your life.