Stop The Excuses

Yesterday I was working with a woman who was clearly in need of some me time and all she kept offering to me were excuses as to why she couldn't take any. Then, she proceeded to complain about all the me time her husband takes for himself. Finally, I said, "Stop!" And thankfully she did. Even though my heart could really identify with her challenges and her life, I also knew that to keep up the excuses would paralyze her further in her martyr role.

So, let's talk turkey here my overworked friends. If you want to have time for yourself, then you have to take it. No excuses. Your husbands seem to be able to go golfing, play baseball, go out with the guys without guilt, without excuses. So why can't you? It may take a meeting of the minds to make it happen but make it happen you can do!

How do you do this? Begin your conversation with your motives clear. Why are you in need of this conversation? It has nothing to do with why you need the time; however, you can present your case logically and rationally. The conversation will provide a way for both of you to have your own time at least once a week. Do not get caught up in a debate nor let your emotions rule the conversation. Work from the answers to these four questions from Crucial Conversations by Patterson et al 1) What do I really want for myself? 2) What do I really want for others? 3) What do I really want for the relationship? 4) How would I behave if I really wanted these results.

Keep the environment safe. This is not a time for blaming, silence or yelling. Keep it calm, focus on what you really want, and step out of the conversation if you feel it is getting unsafe and make it safe again.

And I know the next excuse you make will be this..."that is just too hard". Yes, it is hard and you are worth the hard work. So step up and get to it. This is your life and the health and wellness of your family and relationships you are talking about.

Practice before the conversation, have the conversation and NO EXCUSES.

I'm in there with you,

Nancy