Sorry, folks but this is the hard truth. For too long women have been told that they can have it all, work, family, leisure all balanced nicely. Well, I'm here to tell you you can't. Now this isn't meant to be discouraging news. It's meant to freeing news. In the last blog I talked about not being Wonder Woman and wondered where we got the notion that we were. I think most of it comes from our own hopes and dreams that we can live an unlimited life within a limited timeframen and with limited energy. And that's a good dream. It just isn't realistic. So let's look at what we are pretending not to know around this subject and get real and be free. For centuries men have been able to work and have a family and enjoy leisure time. They can do this because someone else was taking care of the details of their lives like clean clothes, childcare and food prep. Now, I know this is a bit of a generalization and it has lots of basis in truth. So stay with me.(My apologies to those men who worked 2 jobs to provide for their families or did tend to the details of life. I know you exist and you are rare.)
Men have paid a high price for their ability to have it all - leading the list is their early deaths from heart attacks or strokes. Men know the toll having it all has taken on their physical, emotional and mental health. And women who are trying to work and take care of a family and find time for themselves are beginning to feel the effects of these high stakes as well. Heart attacks are quickly becoming a leading cause of death among women and the increase in use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications is enormous when compared to 10 years ago.
So let's all take a deep breath and look this monster in the eye. And as you do you may find that you are looking into a mirror because no one controls our schedules but us. In looking into this mirror how would you answer these questions. How full is your weekly schedule? If you were to draw a plate and put all your weekly activities on it as if they were food portions, how full is that plate? If it were a plate of food, how healthy would you be if you ate it all? What on that plate is a pure energy drainer? What are the energy boosters? Are there more drainers than boosters? Now, here come the hard questions. What can you eliminate from your plate right now? (It may require a family meeting but that's ok). What WILL you eliminate? Just because we see things that could be eliminated doesn't mean we will. Where do you over function so that others don't have to hardly function at all? What are the "voices" in your head saying to you about "doing it all". Are these voices realistic or old tapes that have you hooked on getting mom or dad's approval? Told you these are hard questions.
In fact, let's stop there and I challenge you to spend time over the next week drawing your plate, looking at it realistically and eliminating at least 2 things that drain your energy. How many activities do your children have to be in? How many trips are you willing to make to transport kids every week? Who shares the responsibilities with you? How are the responsibilities divided up? Ooops I guess I'm into more questions...I think you get the idea.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
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